Three Years an Oregonian!

June 22nd marks the three year anniversary of Cole and I beginning our new life as Oregonians. Throughout this past year, I have crossed paths with many wonderful people, have had photography successes, travels, visitors, health concerns, heartbreak, and new beginnings. It's been another amazing year of highs and some lows in Oregon and I couldn't be any happier than to be exactly where I am.

My parents in Bandon, Oregon

I was thrilled to play tour guide last summer by showing my parents around the Pacific Northwest. It was a dream come true to be able to show them around in person, not just through photographs on Facebook. I never thought they would be able to ever visit so needless to say it was an experience that I will certainly cherish forever.  My cousin/best friend also came for a whirlwind two and a half day much needed adventure one weekend this spring. It felt so good to be able to finally show her around as well, something we both thought wouldn't be able to happen for quite some time. Between the Oregon Coast, Northern California, the Cascade mountains, Southern Washington, and the deserts of Eastern Oregon, the Pacific Northwest is such a fun place to show off.

Old friends at Topp's Hideaway in Windsor, Wisconsin

This past winter I went home to Wisconsin after a two year hiatus and thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family and friends, drinking, eating, and catching up. I was able to enjoy a Packers game at my parents house with my sister and her boyfriend while we celebrated an early Christmas together. I met up with a series of friends at all my favorite spots throughout Madison and the surrounding area while also enjoying all my favorite foods, drinks, and local musicians. It was great to see familiar faces and know that while everything inevitably changes, some friendships certainly do seem to last the test of time.

Pigeon Point Lighthouse, Pescadero, California

I took a weekend trip to San Francisco this spring for my birthday and enjoyed exploring the city as well as driving south along the coast toward Big Sur, a place that's been on my bucket list for some time. There are certainly some amazingly beautiful spots on the California coast but I'm fairly certain that the Oregon coast will always have my heart, and although San Francisco left me with a new appreciation for Portland's less hectic traffic and cleaner streets, I definitely would enjoy another trip at some point to explore more of the food and art scene, but perhaps next time I won't drive.

I moved two times this past year. First from an apartment at The Yards at Union Station where I lived for two years by myself to a house in the St. Johns neighborhood with two roommates. It was fairly clear from the beginning of that adventure that the particular roommates I had, although nice people, were not the right fit for my lifestyle so a few months later, I found myself moving back downtown, this time to the Essex House apartments where I continue to live now. I love being downtown again within walking distance to so many delightful things but perhaps the best part is that my workplace is right across the street; a two minute commute is hard to beat.

Astoria, Oregon

I kept myself overwhelmingly busy with photography endeavors this past year. I joined the Portland Photographers Forum as a member but then within a short period of time was elected to the board of directors which met monthly on top of the monthly member meetings. I started a networking Meetup group through Blue Sky Gallery and hosted monthly gatherings there for local photographers. I volunteered on Saturdays at Newspace Center for Photography as well as once a month at Blue Sky Gallery.  I entered my photography into contests and submitted proposals for exhibitions and  landed my first juried exhibition at LightBox Photographic Gallery in Astoria as well as had work included in several shows throughout town, one of which gave me the opportunity to test my public speaking skills and present another body of work to the public. Through a volunteer critique group at Newspace Center for Photography, in which I met with monthly, we laid the groundwork to start a new photography zine as well as were given the opportunity to curate shows at a newly designed space within the gallery. I attended numerous presentations and lectures at the Portland Art Museum and Blue Sky Gallery. I also had a series of photographs hung throughout my workplace and once again donated a couple of pieces to an art auction to support homelessness prevention programs.

My ever-growing supply of vitamins,
supplements, and medications

All of that photography business on top of my demanding workload certainly took it's toll on my health and I found myself getting sick more and more frequently. Not too long ago I discovered I suffer from adrenal fatigue which has prompted a new interest in Naturopathic medicine. I'm so grateful for finding the right doctor to work with on a holistic path to getting better. There are a lot of things one can do to try to recover from adrenal fatigue, the most important for me right now is to reduce stress, get lots of sleep, and focus on nutrition. I decided I needed to make a drastic change to my lifestyle. I resigned from all of my volunteer activities and took a hard look at how I was going to spend my time going forward. That rejuvenated my dedication to a more minimalistic lifestyle. I continue to take a microscopic look at all aspects of my life to determine whether or not each part is still pertinent to my well-being. Meanwhile, I'm selective on what plans I agree to and am enjoying spending a lot more time at home with Cole. Rest assured, there will still be plenty of nature adventures to look forward to in the future.

I had a new, extremely promising romance develop at the beginning of this year with a man who had so many wonderful qualities that I've long been searching for. For a few months, from a relationship perspective, it was wonderful. I thought it had great potential to be a long-lasting and mutually satisfying and meaningful relationship. That is why when it unexpectedly and abruptly ended shortly after my birthday, I was devastated. It seemed so unfair, almost cruel. Why would the universe bring this amazing person into my life just to then rip him away by powers beyond both of our control? Processing all of that was difficult but luckily we were able to remain friends, which I'm thankful for. I truly want the best for him going forward and I hope we maintain a wonderful friendship for years to come.

Matt, Cole & I

With all of that heartache, it was surprising to find someone new not too long after the breakup who peaked my interest. His patience and understanding during those first couple of months allowed us the time to get to know each other in a meaningful way and gave me the space I needed to work through my emotions from the breakup. The whole thing was unexpected in so many ways. Through the time spent talking, hanging out, and exploring Oregon/Washington, I was able to learn just how amazing a person he is and what a good fit we are together. I'm so thankful that we were able to navigate that uncertain time and even though this is not how I thought things would turn out when this year began, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn it is exactly where I'm meant to be. Next month we are moving in together and I'm excited to see what this new chapter looks like for us. I feel like the life I have long waited for, the one I was certain I would find here in Oregon when I set out on this journey, is finally beginning and I couldn't be happier!

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”—Gilda Radner

See my third year of adventures as an Oregonian through photographs here:

75 Days

It's been 75 days since I last wrote here and a lot has happened. Shortly after my 37th birthday in March, I had a devastating breakup that truly took me by surprise and shook me to my core, something I wasn't expecting nor did I feel prepared to cope with. I've had a lot of different kinds of breakups over the years but none quite like this. Without getting into too much detail, it was heartbreaking mostly because the relationship seemed to have so much potential and therefore seemed so unfair to be ending, something neither one of us really wanted but nonetheless, something that was necessary. I spent every day for the next three weeks on the verge of what felt like a breakdown, yet somehow I managed to also carry out all of my responsibilities, and then some. Perhaps it was all just a way to distract myself from the pain I was experiencing or a way to cope with it all. Part of me just figured if I kept moving forward, everything would be ok, so long as I didn't stop the forward momentum.

Yaquina Head Lighthouse

I nervously did my first public presentation of 20 of my images at Newspace Center for Photography's Slideshow Night just three days after the breakup. I was uncertain whether I would have the ability to get up in front of a room full of strangers and talk candidly about something so emotional to me. Luckily, I got through it unscathed and even had a good response from several attendees who came up to me after the presentation to tell me how much they enjoyed my images and my story. The day after the presentation I drove to the coast to meet with a friend for a belated birthday lunch in Newport and then went to the Yaquina Head Lighthouse for the first time ever. The next day, I showed up for my five hour volunteer shift at Blue Sky Gallery and created materials to publish a call for participants for a photo project I'm working on exploring the concept of legacy in childless women over the age of 65.

The next week, I attended my first Blue Sky Gallery exhibition committee meeting after work on a Tuesday night. Then my old friend insomnia showed up again, I pushed on nonetheless. I decided to throw an impromptu birthday party for a friend at my apartment on a Friday night. I had a new audio system installed in my car the next day to make those long road trips Cole and I like to take just a little bit better. I tested it out the next day as I took a Sunday drive out through the Gorge to Rowena Crest, stopping at various spots along the way.

Near Rowena Crest

The following week I helped with my first installation of a new exhibit at Blue Sky Gallery. I went to the opening of Kinesis, a show in the newly designated CoSPACE Gallery at Newspace Center for Photography, in which I had one print included. Afterward I drove to Astoria for an overnight trip to see the opening of the PDX30 exhibition at Lightbox Gallery in which my first juried photograph was selected for inclusion. On the way home to Portland, I stopped at Fort Stevens State Park to take some photos and let Cole run around on the beach. When I got home, I called up a friend to join me for karaoke at the Alibi. Meanwhile, my insomnia persisted.

Streetcar in Astoria

Cole's ears began to bother him and after a trip to the vet, I discovered he had an abundance of yeast which would require ear drops twice a day for two weeks. Still, I attended another exhibition committee meeting at Blue Sky Gallery. I participated in a Portland Photographers Forum board meeting call. My cousin then came for a visit, the first since I moved to Oregon almost three years ago. With very little sleep, over 2 1/2 days, I took her through the Gorge stopping at Chanticleer Point and Multnomah Falls, then up to Timberline Lodge where I used my snow chains for the first time before getting them stuck and then unstuck from my tires before heading back to Portland for some nightlife activities with friends. The next day we drove to the Coast and I showed her a bunch of my favorite spots from Ecola State Park south to Cape Kiwanda before heading back to Portland for some more nightlife activities with friends. The next day we went to the Saturday Market and then had a Dim Sum brunch before it was time to say farewell and drop her at the airport. I went home to rest for about an hour or so and then headed out for a first post-breakup date at the Chinese Garden, a huge step for me.

Sunset driving back from Eugene

The next day I went to a Portland Photographers Forum monthly member meeting but I could tell something was awry. The next morning I woke up sick. I went to work for one day but then slept for the next three days before I could go back to work. When I was feeling better, I had a second date: a quick stroll through the Beaverton Farmers Market, lunch at a delicious Korean restaurant, followed by coffee nearby. Afterward, Cole and I drove to Eugene to drop off two framed photos I donated to the ShelterCare art benefit and to meet with a couple of friends for dinner. The next day I hosted a photography Meetup at Blue Sky Gallery and then did my five hour Gallery sitting volunteer shift. My insomnia continued.

I had a third date the next week over a homemade Thai dinner at my place. The next day I met with my photo critique group for several hours to decide on a name for our group and zine (1/2 Stop, if you're interested). That weekend I traveled to West Linn to do event photography for the Honor the Journey gala, a fundraiser for the Pacific Northwest Hospice Foundation. The next day, I had a fourth date which started with hiking on the Washington side of the Gorge at Catherine Creek followed by a quick drive past the animals at Schreiner Farms. We stopped at Horsethief Lake to see petroglyphs, then made a quick stop at Sorosis Park to take in the view of the Dalles from up above. We then stopped for dinner and at Rowena Crest before heading home.

Going to see the petroglyphs

That next week I dropped off three of my framed prints for the Oregon Society of Artists/Portland Photographers Forum joint show. I saw Patton Oswalt perform at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. I hosted a Cinco de Mayo Party at my apartment complete with margaritas and homemade guacamole. I organized and hosted another photography Meetup at Blue Sky Gallery. I attended the opening reception of the Oregon Society of Artists/Portland Photographers Forum joint show followed by a fifth date to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and then dinner and drinks at the Backstage Bar.

That next week at work, on top of my normally hectic schedule, our phone system conversion went live two days early causing a small panic and complete redirection of energy to that project. That same week, I realized the deadline for a friend's kid's school project that I agreed to help with was a few days away so I had to scramble to get that taken care which had me photoshopping images, picking up travel brochures, and overnighting materials back to Wisconsin. On the upside, three of my photographs I agreed to hang at work arrived from the printer: a stretched canvas, a glass print, and a metal print. Then, out of the blue, my doctor informed me that she thought I had adrenal fatigue, not entirely surprising considering how my life has been the last oh, ten years or so. I wasn't really sure though what adrenal fatigue was or how it could impact your life. I figured it would still be "life as usual" going forward so the next day, I had a sixth date: attending the Beast Talks at Beast Studio followed by dinner.

Then I got sick, again. I mean really, really sick. After learning more about adrenal fatigue and the long term effects if left untreated, I realized that I needed to make a huge change in my life. In order to reduce stress and focus solely on my health, I made the difficult decision to resign from all of my photography endeavors and various volunteer commitments. After sending out my resignation emails and tying up some loose ends, I pushed through one day of work being sick and then took three days off (again) to rest and focus on recovering from my cold. I eventually got better but this time it took two weeks to get "back to normal". It was becoming clearer and clearer that I couldn't keep going like I was.

Bandon, Oregon

Since then, I've been taking things really easy. I'm reluctant to make any plans. On the rare occasion when I do schedule something, I make sure it is something that I can easily cancel without feeling bad. I've been spending a lot more time at home which has given me time to catch up on my favorite Netflix shows with Cole. I did get out of the house though for Memorial Day and spent the weekend in Bandon enjoying the beach and eating delicious food with Cole and Matt. This past weekend we took Cole to the Pug Meetup where he got to reconnect with Emma and we got to enjoy the fresh air. I look forward to continuing to photograph the Pacific Northwest but there will no longer be the same pressure as before on what to do, if anything, with the images I take.

I'm slowing learning to listen more to what my body is trying to tell me. It's an interesting process.  I met with some folks at work today to begin adjusting my schedule and reducing the level of stress that is experienced with my job. I feel good about the first steps we're taking toward that, I am so thankful that the management team is so supportive. I'm continuing to work with my doctor on methods for adrenal fatigue recovery including increasing how much I sleep, adding in some more vitamins and supplements to my diet. There will need to be more changes in the future but they need to be done slowly. There's no quick fix for this but in time, I should be healthier and happier. What more could I ask for?